He's Mine
by Noloc3
Summary: LM Fic. Dont like it then dont read it.
1. The Party

Disclaimer:I do not own Zelda or its characters.

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He's Mine

Link awoke in his Market place apartment and began his morning routine. He was eating his breakfast when the mail came he does not usually get mail but today he did, one letter. "It's from Zelda." he said to himself as ripped open the letter. He read allowed to himself:

"Her Majesty, Queen Zelda, has invited you, Link, to join her at the palace for her 17th Birthday Party. The Party shall be held at noon tomorrow. Please meet in front of the gates and you shall be lead in by guards promptly at noon.

Sincerely,

Zelda"

"Okay, then I better go get a gift for her." Link said to himself.

Link walked into the market and searched practically every stall and shop until he came to one selling dress gloves. The sign on the little booth said 

Triforce Gloves:10 rupees per pair

Personalized Triforce Gloves:20 rupees per pair

"Hmmmmmmm" Link thought to himself "These will be perfect."

"I'll take one pair of personalized white gloves please" he said to the man behind the booth. It took only ten minutes for the man to personalize the gloves with Zelda's name. Then Link headed home to wrap the gift.

The Next day Link got up and got ready for the party. He got there with enough time to talk to the other partiers. He noticed right away that he was the only guy. There was Malon, Ruto, Saria, and Nabouru. He said his hellos to all of them and then the gaurd came to lead them in. The party was set in a large yard with a pool. There was a table for gifts that Link set his upon. Link sat down at a large round table with the others. The sound of trumpets suddenly rang in his long ears. He looked up and saw that Zelda was approaching. As she came closer they all rose and in unison said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZELDA!" "Thank You, Thank You all." Zelda said. Servants started to pass out bathing suits. "This is a pool party so there are some changing rooms over there" she pointed to some gray stalls in the back corner of the yard, "So lets all get changed and get in that pool." she said. Everyone got up changed and got in the pool and were soon playing a game of water volleyball. A little bell rang and Zelda said "Time for lunch" they all got out and head toward the table they all ate and then they opened presents. 

Link sat very still as Zelda opened his, Zelda screamed in joy when she saw the gloves. She immediately jumped on Link knocking them both back on his chair and started kissing him all over, her wet body against his, her trying to remove his trunks whispering "Now I know he loves me and I love him, oh goddesses I want him right hear right now!" then in just a second there was a scream from Zelda and she was gone, she was no longer on him. Link looked over and saw a very angry mob of girls all fighting. Link sat up dazed, he knew all the girls had these weird little crushes on him but he never knew it was this bad. Then a hand grabbed his arm and he got pulled into the mob just as he saw guards racing toward the scene. 


	2. On the run

I do not own Zelda or its characters.

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Link woke to the sound or rushing water and realized immediately that he was in Zoras domain. He blinked and look around he saw he was behind the waterfall with........ RUTO!!!!!!!!

"What am I doing here?" and he suddenly realized that he was naked and tied to a pole. "WHAT IN THE HELL?"

"Calm down my love," Ruto said stepping closer, "Those savage girls they knocked you out while trying to remove you trunks, so I grabbed you swam to the bottom of the pool pulled the emergency drain plug and swam us here. Now we can be alone!" Link was about to say something when she covered his mouth with her hand and proceeded to kiss him and massage him. She was just about to pleasure herself with him when there was a part in the waterfall. Nabarou stood there. Then she shout out "Come on girls get her I feel like a fish fry." at that seven Gerdu guards ran in spears raised charging at Ruto. Ruto raised her hands and screamed "AAAhhhhhhh, Help Me!!" the waterfall changed course and stunned the Gerdus for a few seconds then seven Zoras grabbed them from behind and dragged them into the water and they began to fight. Nabarou looked at her guards and then at Ruto, she lept at Ruto screaming "LINK IS MINE BITCH!!!!" she began to beat, punch, and kick Ruto. Ruto fell back and on to a torch she yelped and the threw it at Nabarou. Nabarou craftily ducked and it flew over next to Link. Link saw this and shimmied around on the pole until he felt the warmth on his hands and in a few moments he was free. He looked at the fighting women shrugged and then jumped in the water and swam to freedom.

Link decided to take the Lost Woods to his old tree house hoping he would find some temporary clothes. He was almost there when suddenly four vines flung out from four different trees binding him. Then they tightened suspending him two feet above the ground. Then he saw in the corner of his eye Saria approaching on a floating leaf. "Ah, my dear Link," she said brushing her hand against his cheek, "You belong to me now!" she began to feel every part of his muscular body. "Please don't........." Link started before a large vine wrapped around his head gagging him. "I have wanted you since I first saw you, and now I will have you!" she dropped her green tunic of her body and pulled herself on to Link. At that very second there was a mass clucking sound and hundreds of cuccoos piled into the woods, followed by the clicking of a horse's shoes. Saria dropped her self back on to her leaf and zoomed towards a Malon on horse back. The cuccoos snapped the vines and Link fell to the ground, he began to run. He ran out of the Lost Woods and to his tree house found spare clothes, threw them on and ran, he ran towards his Market place apartment. Then he heard it the sound of hooves beating the ground. Then there was a lasso around his right leg and he was being dragged. He looked and saw it was Malon on Epona. He continued to be dragged and he could see they were heading toward Lon Lon Ranch. Then suddenly they jumped a fence his head hit the fence and hit was out cold. 

He woke up in a hot tub, he opened his eyes to see Malon in a rather revealing two piece suit. "Hello Link, are you ready to have some real fun?" 


	3. Link's Choice

I no own Zelda!

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Malon slowly lowered herself into the hot tub. She and Link made love as the bubbles massaged their bodies. And Link was the one leading the event. "What does this mean, does this mean that you like me?" she asked link. "Couldn't you tell?" he asked her. And that was the end of their conversation, on the count of that they were busy with "other things."

In the middle of the night while Link slept Nabarou and seven Gerdus crept through he open window and just as Link awoke to the rustle of their large pants they gagged him, and tied him up. They were heading toward the Gerdu Valley. As they went over the bridge Link shifted himself and the Gerdus dropped him and he rolled off the side and into the river beneath. Nabarou screamed, "You idiots you dropped him, go after him" and she kicked them over the bridge edge. 

Link bobbed down the river and into Lake Hylia. As he wiggled himself free he saw the Gerdus not far up river he looked around for a place to hide. Luckily the Big Goran was just leaving the Lakeside Laboratory with more eye drops. "Please take me with you!" Link begged "anything for you brother," the Goran said and swooped him up in his big hand. They reached the mountains very fast and Link was soon in Goran City. 

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Zelda had been watching practically Links every move and she felt was the perfect time to strike. "Impa go and bring Link back to me" she ordered. Impa did as she was ordered and went to Goran City. She found Link and hit him upside the head with a rock before he even knew that she was there. Impa instead of bringing Link to Zelda right away decided to have her way with him first. So she stopped in the Karaoke Village Inn. She got a room and right away started to undress Link. Link awoke looked at Impa and screamed bloody murder as he ran from the room. 

Link ran out of the village and met face to face with Zelda. He immediately guessed that she was behind him waking up to see Impa. As she looked down at his half naked body, Link saw what was just leaving the castle. It was a black carriage, and it said in big white letters on the side: LON LON RANCH. He then looked back and met Zelda's eyes, "Oh.... Uh.....Hi....... uh.........Zelda......um.....I......uh.....I gotta go........um.......change....yea.....um....BYE!!!" Link said and ran off. He heard a couple of thumps and some mumbling and he looked back and saw Impa had run into Zelda knocking her over. Link ran and quickly jumped in to the back of the carriage. It took him all the way to Lon Lon Ranch. There he got out and walked into Malon's house. As he neared the kitchen he could hear Talon reprimanding his daughter. "I know what you did Malon, Ingo showed me a tape of you and Link in the hot tub, I almost had a damn heart attack. What in the hell were you thinking?" Talon said "Well I am sorry dad but Link and I have the same feelings for each other and........." Malon trailed off as Link walked into the kitchen and said "with all do respect sir I'd like to marry your daughter."


	4. The Engagement

NOT OWNING ZELDA!!

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The anger in Talon's eyes decreased to a point where he started to laugh hysterically. What's his problem Link thought to himself quickly. Then Talon finally spoke, "AHAHAHAHAHA, Ahhhhhh, I see now just testing the product before you buy, eh, Link me boy!?" Talon started "Well I really think you should be asking her not me, ya know. AAAHHAHAHAHAHAH!" he said as he continued to laugh. Link turned to Malon and asked "How bout it?" Malon's face lit up, "YES!" she answered immediately.

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Link was out building a separate home near the other end of the ranch, when trumpets sound and two royal messengers appeared on horse back. "Sir Link, is requested at the castle immediately on royal business, Orders of Queen Zelda." they stated and left. Link stopped in the house to tell Malon where he was going, "You be careful," she warned "That girl is crazy!" he kissed her and left on Epona. 

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Link entered the throne room and suddenly every servant and guard left and shut the door behind them. "What is it Zelda?" Link demanded, a little freaked at them suddenly being alone. "OH LINK!!!" she yelled as she jumped from the throne landing on him, pining to the ground as she ripped of the top part of his tunic, Link was a little shocked by her strength. "Link I heard you are engaged," Zelda mumbled between kisses, while Link was still struggling to get her off with out hurting her, "well when I am done with you, you are going to want to call off the wedding!" then Link felt a little pinch on his neck and his eyes caught his reflection in a shinny shield on a suit of armor, then he saw it. He flung Zelda off of him, he did not care if he hurt her or not, "DAMN IT ZELDA YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING HICKEY!!!!" and he bust open a door and walked out of the castle screaming "DAMN YOU ZELDA, DAMN YOU, AND A WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!" he walked out to see Epona was not where he left her. Then he spotted her over by Zora's River getting a drink. Seeing how he didn't bring his ocrania he walked over to her , he bent down and splashed water on his face. As he was drying his face on his what was left of his tunic he noticed bubbles in the water, he looked a little closer, and suddenly Ruto's head popped up and pulled him in, soon he was in Zora's Domain. Ruto quickly dragged him into the throne room and chained him down on the platform facing the throne with ice cuffs. Link noticed that King Zora was not there, then he remembered that he had been moved to Lord JaBuJaBu's former throne. Ruto climbed on top of him and said, "Well, well, well, I heard my Linkypoo is getting married well I am just going to have to persuade you otherwise, eh!?" "OH NO YOU WON'T!!!" Link screamed as he began to struggle. Just then Link heard the sound of Zora guards screaming, "Hey stop her, Princess Ruto does not want to be disturbed!" "Hey how can she float on that thing!?" And with that Saria came zooming in on a floating leaf and smashed strait into Ruto knocking her off of Link. Ruto was then carried down stream and over the waterfall and as she went over the edge of the waterfall, the ice cuffs disappeared. Saria quickly snatched up Link and scooted out the front entrance. Link soon found himself in the sacred forest meadow being held down by hundreds of Deku Scrubs. Saria then walked up and grabbed Link's manhood, "Oh my, I have stolen back what is mine and my is it luscious and....." Saria ended her sentence short as all the Deku Scrubs scattered and Mido walked in. "WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!!!!!!???" he screamed "LINK YOU HORNY BASTERD WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING SEDUCING SARIA LIKE THAT!!!!!!??" "I....uh...I...uh...it wasn't me.....uh........wait no!" Link mumbled. Mido then snapped his fingers and hundreds of Kakaroki children and Deku Scrubs surrounded him and lifted him above their heads. Link looked down and saw that they were carrying him to a deep ditch filled with starved wolfos. Right before they were going to throw him in Saria came to him and whispered in his ear "I can get you out of this on one condition." "Never!" Link answered "Fine then be that way!" she said and slapped him across the face and screamed "Oh you nasty basterd!" "THAT'S IT!!!" Mido shouted, sounding majorly pissed off "THROW HIM IN!" and as Link was falling there was a sudden flash of dark and Link soon found himself in Impa's manly arms. "Hello my darling." she said to him as she flew off. Link began to scream excessively. Impa trying to calm Link accidentally flew into a tree in front of Gerdu Valley. As Impa hit the tree she dropped Link, Link soon found himself not on the hard ground but being passed up by hundreds of Gerdus and was soon at the feet of Nabarou. "Well hello Link," she said casually "I have finally gotten you back, thanks to all of my fellow Gerdus, and the only price is that they all want a ride on the Link Mobile, if you know what I mean." Link looked around at the hundreds of Gerdus all smiling, he saw a few over weight Gerdus, and on closer inspection he saw that they had mustaches, then he realized, THEY WERE CARPENTERS DRESSED AS GERDUS!!!! Link tried to run but was soon closed in, "No need to run honey," Nabarou said "You shall be receiving great pleasure." Suddenly his large owl friend swooped down and picked Link up in his large claws "I thought you might need some help!" he said to him, "Well, where to?" he asked "Lon Lon Ranch, and hurry!" Link replied. Link got dropped off and quickly ran in to the house to see Malon there tapping her foot, "Where have you been, I was worried sick, you have a lot of explaining to do," she said "AND WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HICKEY!!!!?????????" 


	5. The Wedding

I do not own Zelda.

Sorry for the delay!

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After Link explained what had happened Malon was much more mad at those girls instead of Link. "Well..." Malon said "I guess we are going to have to be more careful on what we do, eh honey!?" "Uhhh, yeah I guess!" Link answered 

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It was the middle of the ceremony and the priest just said "If there is anyone who protests to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace." As soon as he said those words Zelda popped up and said "I OBJECT!" then Ruto popped up "ME TOO!" and the Nabarou and the other Gerdus popped up and said "US TOO!" in unison then up popped Impa "I DO TOO!" she said "Impa!!" Zelda gasped in shock. "What?" Impa snapped "I can't always be watching your prissy ass all the time, I'd rather be watching Link!!!" "Oh, and by the way Zelda, Tell your daddy the King, that Pookiebear, said it is over!!!" As Zelda looked at Impa in shock, Impa continued "WHAT! You didn't think I was just getting paid rupees to watch bitchy self, Ohhhhhhh no, I was getting the Kings rupees too!" Zelda began to cry with the thought that Impa could be her mother! Then as Saria tried to jump up and say "I DO..." she was yoked back down by Mido "No you don't!" Mido said sharply. Malon shot Link a sharp glance and Link answered quickly "Hey, I didn't invite them!" Then Malon quickly turned and grabbed the priest by the throat and said "CONTINUE!" Link and Malon soon found themselves sharing a kiss that made them wed. They ran out into their carriage being chased by all the Link hungry women.

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Link and Malon were soon on their honeymoon in Goron City, being the only safe place. On the second week on there honeymoon the rapist women knew where Link was and were on the chase. 

*****

Link awoke to the sound of Saria's ocrania and said "OH SHIT!" he ran out and saw all the Gorons dancing and Malon looking around at the women closing in, who were still after Link despite their marriage. As Saria got close, Malon suddenly kicked her in the head, the music stopped and the Gorons started to restrain the women. Malon quickly grabbed Link's arm and dragged him out. They caught a ride with Little Goron Link (whom had grown very, very large!) back to Lon Lon Ranch. And went into the safety of their new home. Malon then turned to Link and said out of breath, "We need a plan!" "I know." link said "But till then we are gunna have to avoid them."

Malon then nodded her head and walked across the room sat on the bed and began stroking as she said "But till then, we are still on our honeymoon." she then looked at Link with a lustful look in her eyes as she rose and began to undress Link as he undressed her. After there love making she massaged his manly hood, then he massaged her women hood.

Then suddenly there was a pounding at the door they both looked at the door and Talon's voice came from behind it "GODDESSES MALON, IT'S 2:30 IN THE FREAKIN MORNIN, AND I CAN HEAR YOU TO ALL THE WAY IN THE HOUSE, WITH THE DOOR CLOSED AND OVER THE SOUND OF INGO JACKING OFF AT YOUR HOT TUB VIDEO! NOW GO TO SLEEP!" and he walked away. Link then whispered to Malon before they went to sleep, "Malon tomorrow we have to check for hidden cameras around the house." 


	6. A Surprise in the End

I do not own Zelda!

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After the night before the couple also decided to move their room to another location of the house, they decided on one across from a storage room upstairs. When moving they found two spying cameras, one overlooking the bed and the other in the bathroom. Enraged by the spying Link could not control himself and hunted Ingo down screaming, "INGO YOU SICK FUCKING PEEPING DICK HEAD I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!" Once Link caught Ingo, Talon tried to talk Link out of killing him so Link decided to beat the crap out him till the point where he was bleeding then ripped of his clothes and hung him on the tree out side Lon Lon Ranch. He then put a bat at the bottom of the tree and put a sign pointing to Ingo that read: "Piñata stuffed with money! Good Luck!" 

It took Ingo a week of beatings to gnaw through the ropes. Since then he has been avoiding Link completely. Besides dealing with Ingo, Link and Malon were busying themselves with chores and cleaning.

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The couple decided they wanted to redecorate, even though they somewhat appreciated Ingo's efforts to decorate, they just could not enjoy the playboy posters and the life size blow up sex mates around the house. So off to the Castle Market Place.

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While Link was in his old apartment cleaning out his stuff and loading it on the wagon, Malon went into the Market Place Doctor which had just opened recently. She came out a little while after and told Link she was going to do some separate shopping. "What do you mean separate shopping, Like What?" Link asked "Oh, just groceries and what-not!" she replied quickly. Link agreed and gave Malon some extra money just in case she might need it. 

First Malon bought the groceries she said she was going to buy and loaded them in the wagon which was parked next to Link's old apartment. Then she went to furniture and clothing store and bought baby carriages, cribs, bibs, diapers, clothes, and other baby accessories etc. She did not plan on telling Link just yet. She loaded it in the wagon quickly and covered it with a cloak. Then took the extra money and went and got paint, pictures, and decor for the house and clothing for Link and herself. She picked up some lunch at the Kentucky Fried Cuccoo, and awaited Links return. He soon came around the corner, his manly arms filled with furniture for the house. He quickly shoved it in to the left space in the wagon and locked up the back. They sat at a neighbors picnic table and ate. Then they were on their way home.

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Malon asked Link to take some feed she bought to her father, while Link was gone Malon quickly set up the baby supplies in storage room Ingo had painted pink to go with the naked picture of a singer called Pink. She snatched down the picture and quickly set up the furniture and the supplies, then locked the door and put the key in her pocket then ran down and started on the groceries just as Link walked in with more furniture. 

Once the couple had sorted and gotten their new belongings in order they decided it was time to give the horses some exercise.

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Out on the field the horses were running with glee. The happiness had spread to the couple and they began to make out right in the middle of the field.

As they lifted their heads for air they suddenly noticed they were surrounded by those same Link-aholics. 

"Well, well, well," Ruto spoke first, "Look at the newly wed couple, well don't think he loves you girl! Isn't that right Linkypoo there is a thing called divorce, Yes there is, Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes there is, ya, uhuh, abbboobobobo bo abbb........" "Shut the fuck up Ruto, I don't love any of you, I love Malon, and stop talking to me like I am a baby!"

"It's ok Link you don't have to deny it we...." Zelda started but was suddenly interrupted by Malon in a rather demonic tone and with a pitchfork now raised in hand, "LISTEN YOU LITTLE SLUTS, GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY LAND AND AWAY FROM MY MAN, DO YOU HEAR ME HE'S MINE!!!!!!!!!!! I TELL YOU HE IS MINE!!!!!!!!" there was a sudden bustle of mumbling, "Well he is a married man and all, and I shouldn't go outerspieces so I guess I'll just leave now." Ruto mumbled and was gone in a blue light, "Well, I guess its back to Mido, Oh well!" Saria mumbled as she scooted away on a leaf. "Well he was to small for me anyway I would have probably crushed him and he probably couldn't satisfy me that well anyway!" Impa said and then disappeared in a cloud of smoke as she yelled "POOKIEBEAR IS BACK AGAIN!!!" "Well now what am I supposed to do? I have over 100 Gerdus waiting to be pleasured. Well you know what they say, if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself!" Nabarou said as she jumped on a horse and rode off. Zelda just stood there and then started to talk, "No I will not leave, You Link are the hero of time and I am a Princess, you are supposed to be with me not some peasant farm trash!" As Link was about to say something Malon interfered "HEY PRINCESS DO YOU SEE THIS BOOT!?" Malon asked "Yes, the same as every other peasant boot!" Zelda answered "NO, NOT THE SAME AS EVERY OTHER PEASANT BOOT, OH NO, YOU SEE, THIS BOOT HAS THE POWER TO TAKE ITSELF UP YOUR PRISSY LITTLE ASS IF YOU DON'T GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, NOW!!!!!!!!!!" Malon boomed "Ok, Ok, no need to get violent now!" and Zelda left with a flash of light.

Malon turned into Link's arms. "Think its over?" he asked her "I don't know." she answered. Then they shared a long passionate kiss. When there lips broke Malon spoke "Link, I have something I need to tell you.

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FIN

Thank you for your reviews and I hope you enjoyed my first fanfiction ever! 

If you want to hear about Link and Malon's baby, look for my next story, it will be called "After Shock" and will be coming soon!


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